Is It Just a Bandaid?

Today I don't feel brave, or capable. I just feel sad. And embarrassed.

Take Two. What was I thinking?

Put on new sneakers, learn to play the guitar, write this blog - I even contemplated starting a business. And I was excited.

Grand plans that would imply I have strength, motivation, and a reason to believe things can be better.

But bandaids aren't going to fix the real hurt that keeps me from moving forward.

I am exhausted. Don't get me wrong, I have been blessed. Truly blessed. For that reason, I pause. Who am I to complain? And so, if you read this, I hope you don't hear complaints because these thoughts are my desperate attempt to be vulnerable, admit I'm scared, flawed, and desperately trying to untie the knot so I can finally breathe.

So, let me introduce, "The Wall". The place I travel in my mind only to turn back because climbing it feels impossible. The unknown so much more frightening than something

painful but familiar. Is the life you know safer than the one you don't?

Every day I wonder if I'm I walking into a burning house, or if

simply walking in the door is the ignition for the match?

Letting go a little counts.